


All That You Deserve

by bayoublackjack



Series: Love in London [38]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Insecurity, Moving On, POV Molly Hooper, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings, Sherlock Holmes and Relationships, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4525614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bayoublackjack/pseuds/bayoublackjack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Molly decides to see Sherlock after reflecting on the similarities between her relationship with him and Martha’s situation with John, but she’s left reeling when he hits her with an unexpected announcement and a parting request.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That You Deserve

Against her better judgement, Molly left the flat to give Martha and John a bit of privacy.  Martha was the first friend she made at university and the two of them had been as thick as thieves for nearly twenty years.  Molly always thought of Martha as being a bit like her soulmate in a manner of speaking.  Not in the romantic sense, of course, although heartbreak remedy number eleven had them giving up on men completely and living out the rest of their years together.

The two of them always seemed to complement each other well, making up were the other was lacking.  And they almost always saw eye to eye on everything.  In fact, over the course of their entire relationship, there had only been three times that they had major disagreements.  All of which, unfortunately, had to do with the men in their lives.

Martha’s affair with John had just been the latest row.  The first, and most serious, confrontation had been during their university days and it was due to a misunderstanding over a bloke named Owen Harper.  Molly had fancied him but he fancied Martha and the imagined love triangle very nearly ended their friendship.  In the end, clearer heads prevailed and their bond was all the stronger for it.

The next disagreement after the Owen debacle had been about Sherlock and his treatment of Molly.  It was the one argument they never managed to resolve and Molly imagined that as long as both Martha and Sherlock were in her life, it probably never fully would be.  Strangely enough, the thing with John had given Molly a new perspective on Martha’s disdain for Sherlock.  No matter how many times she made excuses for his behaviour, it was hard to look favourably on a man that caused her best friend so much pain.

Without meaning to, Molly ended up on Sherlock’s doorstep.  She considered turning around and leaving, but the shadow in the window told her that her presence had been detected.  So in lieu of coming off as a pathetic stalker that didn’t know when to give up, Molly steeled herself with a deep breath and headed up the stairs to take the bull by the horns.  When Molly reached the top of the landing, Sherlock was standing next to the window, as expected, and holding his violin in his hands.

“Is this a bad time?” Molly asked in a quiet but strong voice.  He kept his back to her and answered with a noncommittal sound.  Molly took that as an invitation and entered the flat with her shoulders back and head held high, hoping that she would leave the same way she came.  “Are you composing?” she questioned once she had settled into John’s chair.  “It seems to me that you owe me a song, the second movement in the Ode to Molly.”

“It’s a work in progress,” Sherlock answered.

“Aren’t we all?”  Molly quipped dryly.

“Have you come to give me a lecture?”

“No,” Molly replied.  “Joan told me about the painting and Moriarty’s threats.  I understand why you did what you did.  You were trying to protect me.”

“And it worked.”

“Because you knew I would doubt you,” Molly added bitterly.

It was at that point that Sherlock finally turned to face her.  “I’ve given you more than enough reason to doubt me in the past and you never faltered,” he told her between thoughtful silences.  “I trust you because you trust me.  In that moment, I needed to push you away.  I needed to break that trust and I knew the only way to be able to do that was to hurt you.  Moriarty realised it as well.”

“So she gets off on other people’s pain?”  Molly scoffed.  “She really _is_ like Irene Adler then, isn’t she?”

“She fascinates me.”

“Apparently that’s true of your brother as well.  I can’t believe Sherlock could fall in love with someone like that,” Molly commented with a frown.  “Though I reckon she was different when he met her.  And even if she wasn’t…”  She met his eyes, but quickly looked away.  “Well…we can’t help who we love.”

“Not Moriarty,” Sherlock said.

Molly looked at him again.  “Sorry?” she asked in confusion.

“I’m afraid I don’t find Jamie Moriarty nearly as fascinating as my brother does,” Sherlock explained.  “I was referring to Irene Adler.”

“Oh,” Molly replied sheepishly as she dropped her gaze.  She never considered herself a jealous person, but once again Molly felt as though she was in competition with a woman she never even met and the feeling wasn’t pleasant.

Sherlock moved over to his chair and took a seat across from her.  Molly felt his eyes on her and forced herself to meet the blueness head on.  “I find her stimulating,” he confessed.

“Stimulating?” she repeated with a croak.  “You mean…”

“Intellectually,” he clarified.

“So you never…”

“No.”

“And you never _wanted_ to…”

“No.”

Molly nodded slowly as they fell into a strangely comfortable silence.  “I wasn’t always like this, you know?  So insecure,” she told him with a quite sigh.  “The first bloke to break my heart… _truly_ break my heart.  Do you know what I did?  I cried.  I mean of course I did.  He was my first… _everything_.”  She paused as the memories came flooding back to the forefront of her mind.  “I was so nervous about having sex for the first time that I researched everything there was to know about sexual intercourse and I planned the whole thing down to the minutest detail.  Needless to say it turned out horribly.”  She laughed mirthlessly.  “The next day, everyone in our year was calling me ‘Little Miss Perfect’ because he decided to have a laugh about it with his mates.   So yea, I cried.  And then after I got tired of wasting my tears on him, I marched right up to him, broke his nose in two places and never spoke to him again.”

“Have you come to break my nose and sever ties then?”

“I’d be lying if I said the thought of socking you hasn’t crossed my mind once or twice,” Molly admitted with a hint of a smile.  “But no, your nose is safe for now.  The point I was trying to make is that I’ve never been a pushover when it comes to blokes.  At least…not until I met you.”  She folded her hands together on her lap and stared at them intently to avoid his gaze.  “I don’t understand this hold you have over me.  I mean when it’s good…I feel like the most important girl in the world!  But when it’s bad…”

“You _are_ the most important woman in the world,” Sherlock cut in.

Molly lifted her head with wide eyes.  “What?”

“There is no other woman who is more important in _my_ world,” Sherlock said.  “Not Irene.  Not Moriarty.  Mrs. Hudson.”  He paused.  “An argument could be made for my mother, but one would only need to spend a minute with either of my brothers to understand why I place more importance on the bonds I forge as opposed to the ones I was born into.”

“So what are you trying to say?” Molly asked in a quiet voice.

“Do you remember the night before we faked my death?”

“How could I ever forget?”

“You’ve always counted,” Sherlock reiterated in a voice that was far tenderer than she had ever heard from him.  “In more ways than I realised.  In more ways than I was _willing_ to admit.”  He paused thoughtfully.  “But you were right.  I don’t deserve you.  Certainly not now.  Probably never.”

“Sherlock…”

“I’m leaving, Molly.  London.  I informed John of my plans a few days ago and I was trying to decide what would be the best way to tell you, but I suppose there’s no time like the present,” Sherlock informed her, resuming his usual air of indifference.  “I’m going to New York with my brother.   Moriarty wanted my attention and she has it now.”

Molly felt a bit blindsided by the news, but she did her best to keep herself calm.  “When will you be back?”

“However long it takes,” Sherlock answered.  “Which is why I’m asking that you don’t wait around for me.”

With those words, Molly’s resolve shattered into a million pieces.  “W-w-what?” she croaked.  “I don’t…I don’t understand.”  She shook her head.  “Why?”

“Because you deserve happiness, Molly Hooper.  And you’ll never find it as long as you’re holding out hope for me.”


End file.
